So, if you read my bio, you may have noticed that I am chemist during the day. In case you don’t believe me, here’s a picture of me being scientific:
OK, admittedly, that was taken at my bachelorette party and I wasn’t really doing much science. Please note: The lab coat is bedazzled and is fabulous. I was given a drink recipe and I was recorded giving a PBS style chemistry lesson, because my friends are awesome and they knew exactly the kind of thing I want to be doing for my bachelorette party. Here is a picture of me not knowing whether the resulting drink would explode or not…I mean, it was unlikely as it contained lime juice, vodka, and sour mix or something, but you can never be too careful. Gina Sez: Always Safety First!
Generally, when I’m in a lab setting, I either take on a maniacal mad scientist kind of persona, or a persona similar to the picture above…or more to the point, this:
I can’t really say that Beaker is my hero, per se, but he and I have a lot in common. Well, maybe not a lot…OK, I say “Meep” a lot and I wear a lab coat for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week and I generally run around like a silly person in the lab and one time I almost fell head first into a drum of goo while trying to scrape out what was in the bottom. It sounds like something Bunsen would tell Beaker to do. Alright, I guess that’s actually quite a lot to have in common with a Muppet. So be it.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I was talking to Shaun about how I’d like to do some science writing on here…but I wanted to do it my way. My way generally means “ridiculously”. I want to write bullshit science articles, spanning subjects such as those I actually know about and many that I don’t particularly! This is the internet, people. If I can’t write a bunch of bullshit conjectures based on no evidence on the internet, then what good is it?
What good is it, INDEED???
I started musing about this and decided that I had to have different photos of me in a lab coat with different thematic things, depending on the nature of the subject I was talking about. Like…if I was talking about biology, there would be a picture of me in a lab coat holding a cat. If I was talking about physics, it would be a picture of me in a lab coat falling off of something, you know, ’cause of gravity ‘n shit (which we all know is only a THEORY).
I told this entire idea to Wes and he said, “You just want another excuse to take stupid pictures of yourself!” Um…no…no…NO…I mean, sure, the pictures of myself are a benefit to mankind and all, but really it’s that I find writing bullshit that is obviously bullshit to be therapeutic and entertaining…to me…
(Full disclosure: I have had big plans to start operating a still in my basement to make a whole line of liquors. The main point of this idea was to have an excuse to take a bunch of stupid pictures of myself in funny hats. For example, my vodka would have a picture of me in a big Russian fur hat and the tequila would have me in a sombrero. Who wouldn’t want this? But yes, Wes had a point…)
Anyway, everyone else who writes here reads and stuff and forms thoughtful ideas. My value is my wanton disregard for facts!
OK, I actually really like facts. My real goal is that idiots will start citing my dumb science articles for school assignments. That would be sweet. If enough people cite it and don’t fail, then at some point my theories become true, right? I mean, that’s how religion works. If I say something that gets accepted by enough people despite complete lack of evidence, it’s still ok, right? Sure!
OMG SOCIAL COMMENTARY!
So, yes, I am planning on making the Gina Sez column a regular thing on here in the hopes of entertaining you with my creative interpretations of facts. I will also make up facts because that’s generally easier. I mean, it takes so loooooong to Google things.
Also, just like many ultimately bullshit articles, the entries might contain some actual good information. Like, I’ll probably drop character here and there if I actually start thinking critically about what I’m writing. I’m so not method.
Oh, and I do well with writing assignments, so if there is anything anyone would like me to write a load of hooey about, please leave me your ideas!